Most people are in the illusion that happy marriage is something magical. They believe when you meet the right person it will be like magic. Well, there is nothing magical about getting a happy marriage, it is just the product of two people who are ready to do anything possible to make things work in their marriage.
In marriage, there are no general principles to make things work. What works for couple A, maybe be wrong for couple B. But there are certain Pillars that make marriages happy.
1. Forgiveness: Pastor Bimbo Odukoya of blessed memory said, "Marriage is a partnership between two best forgivers" Yes, forgiving one another is a pillar that any couple who want their marriage to be a happy one must hold on to. If we pile up wrongs and offenses against one another, harmony will die in the home and resentment will set in. You must learn how to forgive everything, every time and always.
When you get tired of forgiving your partner, you block your heart against love and harmony. You allow the bitterness and anger to remain in your heart. How happy can you be when you are bitter or angry? You must not only forgive, but you should make it an habit. For as long as both of you are together, there will always be issues. Learn to let go easily.
2. Communication: Communication is the vehicle that runs a relationship. We have verbal, non-verbal, and written communication means. Verbal communication are done through face-to-face discussion and phone conversation. Non-verbal communications are the gesture we make, facial expression, body language and sign language. Written communications are based convened by letter, fax, text messages, note and emails.
You must develop the ability to convene your thoughts, ideas and opinions to your partner in a way that he or she will understand. You should understand how best your partner understands. Some people can only come to terms with issues unless it is presented in the communication means that best suits them. Make effort to know what is the best way to get to the heart of your spouse and make good use of that means. When you keep quiet and keep malice, nothing will work in the marriage. Do not forget that an issue not discussed can never be resolved.
3. Mutual Respect: Respect for one another should not be traded on the alter of familiarity. If you disrespect your spouse all because of familiarity, the marriage wall will crack. Respect is showing regards for the personality of someone else. In marriage, couples mistakenly forget that respect should not be taken for granted.
No man or woman want to be taken for granted. Why will you shout on your wife if you respect her. Why will you disregard your husband instruction if you respect him. Do not forget that even in marriage, individual differences still exist. You should not expect your spouse to behave or act in way that you only think is acceptable.
He or she has a background and he or she has a peculiar personality. Respect that!Do not look down on the ability and opinion of your partner. Do not underrate his or her capability. Do not use abusive words or even raise a hand against him or her. Every human being needs respect to keep their ego up and make them feel important.
4. Sacrilege of Marriage: Marriage is a sacred institution and must be honoured. Your marriage should not be an issue for discussion among your friends in a club or at the office. Your marriage should not be a certain of focus at any meeting you hold with friends or relatives. You should honour the sanctimony of your union by keeping yourself out of any form of adultery and sexual immorality.
Many marriages break today just because of that. Marriage is honourable, it is a set-aside union for just two people- you and your spouse. Inviting third party to help you settle your marital issues now and then, will open your marriage to manipulations and unnecessary influence. Keep your marriage clean and hallowed.
5. Undying Love: Love your spouse in every situation and under any circumstances will prolong your union and you will experience peace and harmony always. In marriage so many things can happen. So many unexpected and unwanted issues may arise, but couples must learn how to love always.
Not all spouse plan to cheat on their partner but it could happen. Not all spouse plan to walk away but it could happen. Not all spouse plan to be sick for a very long time or contract a terminal disease, but it could happen. If you want to remain happy in these situation, you must have an undying love.
Love, even when you are mad at your man. Love even when you are so angry with her or even when you do not feel like talking to her. Love even when he or she does not merit or worth loving. Keep the love line open and never say never.
Happy marriage is a product of the willing partners who are ready to go all the way. You may not be in the wrong marriage, it may be that you are neglecting the pillars of a successful marriage.
Benjamin Ohonusi
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